please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Randomize
