she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
