Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
