She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
