You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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