I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
