She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I am mentally ready for anal.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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