All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I need a beard to bite.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
