i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
