As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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