he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize