No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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