I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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