Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
