Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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