wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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