I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
