people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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