What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I supernannyed him into submission
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
