this beer tastes like vomit already
you win again, gameday.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
