I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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