another moral hangover. fuck.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize