She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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