You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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