Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
