I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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