i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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