Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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