haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I cockslap morals
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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