I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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