He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
