Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
