I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
