forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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