somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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