When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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