Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
