I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
