ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
