Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
