I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize