I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
