You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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