you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
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