I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
