I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
