idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
