barbara walters just said penis...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
