I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
