Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
