Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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