I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
