he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
