So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Randomize
