Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
