HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
