shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
