I can't breathe out the right side of my face
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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