All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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