I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
