So drunk its hurt
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
