Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
