she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
