I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
