Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
