3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
