there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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