Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
