I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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