Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize