If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
