I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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