I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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