I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
