tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
