Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
