Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
