all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Blood and glitter go together right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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