we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
