He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
