I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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