Im at strip club and am horny
from now on my penis is your penis
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
