In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
