You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
