No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
