Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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