the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
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