Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
