I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
