apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
How external is "for external use only"?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
