Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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