don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
