he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
