Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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